JOHN HUCKSTER MELLENCAMP

Is it just us, or is using images of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Hurricane Katrina and the World Trade Center, set to a patriotic John Mellencamp song, all in order to sell Chevy trucks, really really really offensive?

And what's the deal with Mellencamp? Sure, he hasn't had a hit in Lord knows how long, but did he really need to sell out like that? Wasn't he a good-hearted populist liberal from the heartland? Maybe Chevy didn't tell him what was going to be in the commercial when they bought the song?

On top of it all, the song blows! It's a third-rate "Like A Rock," which was a third-rate Bruce rip-off anyway. Blow it out your pink house, Mellencamp.

In the words of Ricky Ricardo, "You got some 'splainin' to do."

NEWSLETTER #34!

HI, REMEMBER US? WE'RE THE GUYS WHO WRITE THE FANTASTIC NEWSLETTER THAT YOU'VE BEEN AWAITING FOR SO LONG, BUT WE DIDN'T WRITE ONE LAST WEEK BECAUSE... UM...

and now, THE NEWSLETTER!

CURRENTLY OUT AND READY TO PURCHASE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER (OTHER THAN POSSIBLY ALPHABETICAL)!

TERRY ADAMS & STEVE FERGUSON - LOUISVILLE SLUGGERS. Two founding members of the legendary NRBQ reunite for the first time on a record that has all the makings of a classic 'Q romp. Big Al Anderson became a fan favorite for good reason, but Steve Ferguson is no slouch on the gee-tar.

BRIGHT EYES - NOISE FLOOR (RARITIES 1998-2005). A collection of singles, unreleased tracks and oddities from a guy who we think is more overrated than ham on a rainy day.

DEF LEPPARD - HYSTERIA (DELUXE 2 CD EDITION). Arguably the best hair-metal album of the '80s now features 15 additional tracks, including extended remixes and live B-sides, all with new remastering as well.

BEN FOLDS - SUPERSUNNYSPEEDGRAPHIC. Annoyingpianoplayersingersongwriter collects the various EPs that featured his too-clever-for-words words and the somewhat interesting covers of the Cure and Dr. Dre.

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE - BLACK PARADE. Already annointed the greatest album since Bright Eyes' Ham On A Rainy Day, we've yet to actually hear it, but our curiosity has been piqued, and our ears have been lubed.

PAUL STANLEY - LIVE TO WIN. Kiss bigmouth and vice president of Mensa releases his second solo album, featuring the immortal classic "Loving You Without You Now."

HOWARD TATE - A PORTRAIT OF HOWARD. Soul semi-legend follows up his 2003 Grammy-nominated release Rediscovered with a collection of cover songs that apparently tell the story of Tate's tumultuous life. Material includes songs by Randy Newman, Burt Bacharach, Nick Lowe, Chrissie Hynde, and the ever-aging Lou Reed.

LUCINDA WILLIAMS - CAR WHEELS ON A GRAVEL ROAD (DELUXE EDITION). Lucinda's 1998 classic now features new remastering, three unreleased tracks, and a full, previously unreleased concert performance from 1998.

JOHN LEGEND - ONCE AGAIN. Sophomore release from one of the few modern-day soul singers who actually deserves the recognition he's gotten. The first single, "Save Room," is damn catchy, because it's really "Stormy" by the Classics IV. But that's OK.

AIMEE MANN - ONE MORE DRIFTER IN THE SNOW. Miss Scrooge makes a holiday record. Break out the egg nog and the rat poison.

and now... NEXT WEEK'S NEW RELEASES!

BADLY DRAWN BOY - BORN IN THE UK (LIMITED EDITION). For those of you who already shelled out the $15 two weeks ago, we now present the same record with a bonus DVD that features documentary footage, behind-the-scenes footage, customer-ripoff footage, and one-more-nail-in-the-coffin-of-the-music-industry footage.

THE BLUE VAN - DEAR INDEPENDENCE. These guys rocked our world with their debut release on TVT Records, and we are so ready to get rocked again with their brand of '60s Who-meets-the-Small Faces-in-a-Detroit-garage type thing.

AARON COMESS - CATSKILLS CRY. Debut solo record from the drummer of the Spin Doctors. Also out this week: the solo debut from the triangle player in Rusted Root, the solo release from the guy who did the artwork for the second Maggie's Dream CD, and the solo lute album from the guy who used to play bass in the Police. Oh wait, that one's out already....

DEFTONES - SATURDAY NIGHT WRIST. First album in three years from the punk metallurgists. Thank you.

KEVIN FEDERLINE - PLAYING WITH FIRE. Hey, someone's gotta keep Britney in pork rinds and cigarettes.

TIM FINN - IMAGINARY KINGDOM. The seventh and best solo album from the quirky Finn brother. Recorded in Nashville, this release is full of the sharp hooks and melodies usually found on younger brother Neil's solo records.

JOHN FOGERTY - LONG ROAD HOME: IN CONCERT. His first live CD in almost 10 years features all your CCR faves and, unfortunately, "Centerfield."

PHIL LESH & FRIENDS - LIVE AT THE WARFIELD (2 CDs/DVD). And boy, what friends he has! Joining Phil on this live set are Joan Osborne on vocals, John Scofield and Larry Campbell on guitars, and Greg Osby on saxophone.

BARRY MANILOW - GREATEST SONGS OF THE SIXTIES. Barry's take on such classics as "Purple Haze," "Astronomy Domine," and "Snoopy Vs. The Red Baron."

NELLIE McKAY - PRETTY LITTLE HEAD. The kooky little minx finally gets her way and releases her second album on her own label, the way she intended. And it's damn good.

MEAT LOAF - BAT OUT OF HELL III. Seriously, enough is enough. The first album is an undisputed classic, but since when were records supposed to have sequels? Although, tell that to the three million people who bought "Bat Out Of Hell II" in '93, all of whom apparently sold it back to NYCD shortly thereafter. And while you're at it, tell 'em that Mr. Loaf did six albums in between Bat and Bat II. TOP!

DOUG SAHM & BAND - DOUG SAHM & BAND. The band includes Jerry Garcia, Dr. John, Flaco Jiminez, and Bob Dylan.

THE TRAGICALLY HIP - WORLD CONTAINER. Import-only release from Canada's answer to 54-40. Oh wait, they're also from Canada.... What can we say? We've never heard a single note by these guys, but a friend of ours says they're the best thing since Canadian bacon. And that's good enough for us.

THE WHO - ENDLESS WIRE (CD/DVD combo). Thankfully no longer called "Who 2," Pete and Rog release their first studio album in 25 years, which is how long it took people to forget how bad It's Hard was.

BUDDY GUY - CAN'T QUIT THE BLUES (3 CDs/DVD). The first career-spanning box set from the blues legend has 47 tracks, only 18 of which are from the first 30 years of his career, but anything with Buddy playing guitar on it is worth having.

JOHN LEE HOOKER - HOOKER (box set). Must be Blues Legends Box Set Week at the factory! 84 track, 4 CD box set that culls from all periods of his lengthy career. Includes many of his latter-day duets with such luminaries as Robert Cray, Bonnie Raitt, Ry Cooder, Van Morrison, Los Lobos and Eric Clapton, along with a hearty helping of his '50s and '60s classics.

FLAVOR FLAV - FLAVOR FLAV. It's hard to believe that white people used to be afraid of this guy.

LADY SOVEREIGN - PUBLIC WARNING. The most hyped British rapper since The Streets. Is that a good thing? She's pint-sized, if that means anything, and the record is apparently explicit, which is good for the kids. And critics love it, which means it probably sucks, but lots of well-meaning middle-aged people will try it out anyway.

OUR PICK OF THE WEEK!

WILLIE NELSON - SONGBIRD. Produced by Ryan Adams, this is Willie's best record since 1998's Teatro and possibly the best album of the year. WIllie sings his heart out on stellar arrangements of Garcia/Hunter's "Stella Blue," Gram Parsons' $1000 Wedding," the Ryan Adams original "Blue Hotel," and the title track, Christine McVie's "Songbird." WIllie can sing anything and make it sound like his own -- case in point, check out the final track, "Amazing Grace." Wow.

And finally... OUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS ALBUM OF THE YEAR SO FAR!

NEW ORLEANS CHRISTMAS, the new Putumayo collection. Deck the halls with soul, jazz and blues holiday classics from the Big Easy. Featuring James Andrews, Topsy Chapman, Ellis Marsalis, John Boutte, Ingrid Lucia, Lars Edegran with Big Al Carson, Banu Gibson, Don Vappie, New Birth Brass Band, Heritage Hall Jazz Band and Dukes of Dixieland. Sleigh bells plus tubas equals a big bowl of holiday gumbo!

TO ORDER ANY OR ALL OF THESE NEW RELEASES (EVEN THE ONES WE MADE SNARKY COMMENTS ABOUT -- SERIOUSLY, WE WON'T JUDGE YOU), EMAIL US AT HEYNYCD@aol.com OR CALL US AT (212) 244-3460! You can also get anything we didn't mention here, old or new.

SELL US YOUR CDs AND DVDs! WE PAY TOP DOLLAR!

BUY OUR WARES ON AMAZON!

EAT OUR HOMEMADE MARZIPAN AND QUICHE!

UNTIL NEXT WEEK, WE LEAVE YOU WITH THIS:

Anyone who, like us, laments the imminent demise of Tower Records should go in before they close, and look at all the racks of $18.99 CDs. If Tower had any sense, they would have figured out years ago that stocking every new release on every label at full list price was not going to work in the age of online shopping. It's a shame they're closing, but even we can't lay all the blame on fickle consumers who can't be bothered to go outside to buy a CD.

Your friends,
Ariel & Ben (oh wait, they're OUR friends)

T. FOR TWO

It's got "feh" written all over it. Duets, Buble, Celine, Elton, Sony, Birthday, Sting. You name it. It's here and overdone. "TONY BENNETT, DUETS: An American Classic" will come and go, just like every other "Cannonball Run-type" star extravaganza. Right?

WRONG!

Why is this CD so amazing? Mr. Tony Bennett! 80 years young!

Tony Bennett, at the glorious age of 80, sounds better than ever. And his star-studded birthday guests give the classiest gift imaginable- wonderfully understated performances that only highlight the brilliance and style of this man of the hour. Yes, even ol' chest-thwacker, Celine Dion.

BEST TRACKS and WHY:

PUT ON A HAPPY FACE with James Taylor- It's simple and clean. The guys are having fun and you can tell.

THE GOOD LIFE with Billy Joel- It's Joel's sweetest performance on record. He's never sounded better or more inspired.

ARE YOU HAVIN' ANY FUN w/ Elvis Costello- These boys have sung together before and it shows. Elvis really belts it out and the harmonies are wonderful.

I WANNA BE AROUND w/ Bono- This song is Tony's. Frank did it, but face it, it's Tony's. And Bono does it right. He leaves room for the man, yet still gives the classic Bono delivery.

I have seen nothing but mediocre reviews for this release, and it makes me wonder if anyone listened to it, or just reviewed it based on the premise. Because the premise is boring. Another duets record pairing superstars with a legend. But, you know what....this is a great, GREAT listen.

MORE RARE DYLAN

Well, not really. But I didn't think anyone would read a post with the heading "VINCE GILL AT THE NOKIA THEATRE," which is where I was last night.

Here's why:

Saw Vince Gill sing at the Brian Wilson tribute concert a few years back and he blew me away. Never really heard any of his music except for that cheesy duet with Amy Grant.

New 4 CD set coming, good write up in the NYT, Eric Clapton loves him.

My wife is out of town, friend called up out of the blue, Let's go to see Vince Gill."

Done. What a treat! Huge band that featured Big Al Anderson from NRBQ on guitar, Bekka Bramlett on vocals and many others. Two long sets that teetered between Owen Bradley type country & western (think Patsy Cline meets Ray Price) and full blown bluegrass (think Bill Monroe).

There was of course some bluesy numbers that showed off Gill's tasty and underrated (or should I say unknown) guitar playing, as well as some straightforward pop songs thrown in to show us all that Vince Gill can do anything. It all worked!

Most of the material was from this new 4 CD box called "These Days," each disc having a separate theme. It is priced to move at $24.99 and it could be the release of the year.

NEWSLETTER #33!

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!

SOME NEW RELEASES TO TALK ABOUT!

R.I.P. BOZ BURRELL, JERRY BELSON, BUCK O'NEIL, CORY LIDLE, CBGB

WELCOME BACK SAL!

METS FANS, PLEASE SHUT UP!

And now... NEXT WEEK'S NEW RELEASES!

AEROSMITH - DEVIL'S GOT A NEW DISGUISE. We are happy to hear that these old warhorses have bounced back from their recent health issues, but that is no reason to release the umpteenth greatest hits CD, which they are now citing as the definitive collection. It's got the same 14 tracks that the last 14 best-ofs had, with two additional new tracks which are certainly not going to be worth the price of admission. How's that for a sales pitch!

BADLY DRAWN BOY - BORN IN THE U.K. His first three albums were excellent, but his fourth was so forgettable that we forgot about it until we saw it in a discography. Thankfully, this British singer-songwriter Bruce Springsteen-wannabe has bounced back with his strongest release since the About A Boy soundtrack.

THE DATSUNS - SMOKE AND MIRRORS. No US release date has been scheduled yet for the either Swedish or New Zealandish band (we forget which) that Sal calls one of the most exciting live bands he's ever seen in his life. This new import-only record is closer to their hard rockin', Deep Purple-via-MC5 debut than their not-bad-but-somewhat-disappoint ing followup, which was produced by John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin. Glad to see the boys bounce back with this fine new release.

TANYA DONNELLY - THIS HUNGRY LIFE. The former member of Throwing Muses and leader of Belly bounces back with her second solo release, accompanied by what are distributors are calling a stellar band, including Rich Gilbert, Arthur Johnson, Joe McMann, and Joan Wasser. Wow, that's stellar!

GOMEZ - FIVE MEN IN A HUT. Two CD compilation featuring the best of their singles as well as 16 previously unreleased-in-the-US B-sides by the band that Rob calls "the bounce-back band of the year."

ALBERT HAMMOND JR. - YOURS TO KEEP. Import-only release from the Strokes guy with the big head of hair. The last Strokes album was a little disappointing, but we expect him to bounce back with his solo debut, thanks to guest appearances by fellow Stroke Julian Casablancas, Jody Porter from Fountains Of Wayne, Ben Kweller, and Sean Lennon from Cibo Matto.

L.E.O. - ALPACAS ORGLING. Power pop fans will recognize some of the following names: Bleu, Mike Viola, and Andy Stuermer. All contribute to this project which basically takes original material and fashions each song to sound like a lost E.L.O. classic. If you're a fan of E.L.O., Cheap Trick, Jellyfish, and the Candy Butchers, then this record is a must. Bounce.

PRIMUS - THEY CAN'T ALL BE ZINGERS: THE BEST OF PRIMUS. Weirdo punk-funkers-turned-jam-banders release their first anthology. The first couple of records featured such unique tracks as "Tommy The Cat," "Jerry Was A Race Car Driver," and "John The Fisherman." Even if you got off the bus around 1992, as we did, this comp still has the early tracks.

DWIGHT YOAKAM - GUITARS, CADILLACS, ETC. (EXPANDED REMASTER). This classic debut from 1986 gets remastered and now includes ten demos from 1981 on disc 1, as well as Dwight live at the Roxy on disc 2.

MORE 2 CD "DEFINITIVE" COLLECTIONS FROM RHINO/WEA!

BLACK OAK ARKANSAS, FOGHAT, LOVE, and TODD RUNDGREN all get the royal definitive super deluxe 2 CD treatment on these new, inexpensive anthologies. They're all worth picking up.

DIDDY - PRESS PLAY. He's not much of a rapper, but he sure knows how to make money. Among the guest performers are Christina Aguilera, Mary J. Blige, Jamie Foxx, Brandy, Keyshia Cole, Fergie, and Avant. Sounds like the 1962 Mets of the music world.

SARAH McLACHLAN's NEW CHRISTMAS CD OR 4 TYLENOL PM? DISCUSS.

NOT AVAILABLE THROUGH US, BUT BUY IT ANYWAY!

THE CANDY BUTCHERS have been one of NYC's best-kept secrets for over a decade. Their infectious brand of power-pop has won them lots of critical acclaim, if not a lot of sales. Head Butcher Mike Viola has just released MAKING UP TIME, a CD of unreleased Candy Butchers tracks recorded between 1994-98, and it's a winner. Get it from www.mikeviola.com and tell him NYCD sent you!

TO ORDER ANY OR ALL OF THESE CDs, OR ANYTHING NEW OR OLD WE MAY HAVE MISSED, EMAIL US AT HEYNYCD@AOL.COM OR CALL US AT (212) 244-3460!

SELL US YOUR CDs & DVDs! We pay cash, or we'll give you credit, your choice. Call or email for details!

UNTIL NEXT WEEK, WE LEAVE YOU WITH THIS:

Tower Records is closing, leaving virtually no music retailers in Manhattan above 52nd St. Lindsey Buckingham and Boz Scaggs, two legends of the rock era, both played Town Hall this week after not touring for years, to 50% capacity, even though the tickets were relatively inexpensive. The major labels are starting to put the kibosh on reissues and archival releases, simply because they're worried there won't be anyplace to sell them. And on the most frightening note, if there's nowhere to sell music and no way to make a living from making music, will the next Bob Dylan or the next John Lennon or the next John Coltrane go into accounting instead of trying to make a career out of music? You may think we're overreacting, but the truth is, this could be the beginning of the end of music as we know it. GO OUT AND SUPPORT THE ARTS! Go to a concert, buy a CD, but get interested again!

Your friends,
Sal & Tony, future storm window salesmen

END OF AN ERA

It's hard to believe that just a few short years ago, chain stores like Tower and HMV were the enemies of indie stores like NYCD. But HMV's long gone, and now the same changes in music retail that made us close our brick-and-mortar store have officially killed Tower as well. A very sad day for music lovers all over the country, and especially in New York and L.A.

Read all about it here.

NEWSLETTER #32!

SAL GOES TO ITALY FOR THE WEEK: EATS PASTA, LISTENS TO CLAUDIO VILLA

TONY & ROB STAY IN NEW YORK: EAT CHINESE TAKEOUT, LISTEN TO YMA SUMAC

TONY WRITES NEWSLETTER SOLO!

TONY GETS SICK OF WRITING HEADLINES, MOVES ONTO NEXT WEEK'S NEW RELEASES

But first...

TONY'S PICK OF THIS WEEK, WHICH WE FORGOT TO MENTION LAST WEEK!

RAY CHARLES & THE COUNT BASIE ORCHESTRA - RAY SINGS, BASIE SWINGS. Ray Charles wasn't writing or recording particularly good material in the mid '70s, when these previously unreleased live tracks were taped, but as a vocalist he was still on top of his game. So Concord's decision to overdub the muddy sounding backings with brand new tracks from the Count Basie Orchestra isn't actually as ghoulish as the writeups may lead you to believe. My two favorite tracks are both covers of then-contemporary hits: the most soulful "Long And Winding Road" you'll ever hear; and a "Look What They've Done To My Song, Ma" that swings like a mother. The new orchestrations fit the old vocals like a glove. Much more so than the zillion-selling "Genius Loves Company," this shows why Brother Ray was called a genius in the first place.

And now... NEXT WEEK'S NEW RELEASES!

BURT BACHARACH & FRIENDS - GOLD. 41 tracks on two CDs by one of the rock era's greatest songwriters, performed in their hit versions by Tom Jones, Dionne Warwick, the Carpenters, Pretenders, Elvis Costello, Neil Diamond, Cher and many more.

TONY'S IN-LAWS' PICK OF THE WEEK!

JIMMY BUFFETT - TAKE THE WEATHER WITH YOU. I like wearing Hawaiian shirts and drinking frozen girly drinks as much as anyone, but I've never understood the appeal of Buffett's music. Clearly I'm in the minority, however, as his last album sold approximately 300 bazillion copies. So, um... this is his new album, which I'll probably be forced to listen to by my Parrothead in-laws.

JON CLEARY - ALLIGATOR LIPS AND DIRTY RICE. The first album by one of the musicians that keeps Sal going back to New Orleans on a regular basis, now issued for the first time in the USA!

LLOYD COLE - ANTIDEPRESSANT. The guy is a pretty accomplished singer-songwriter who's recorded some fine things over the last twenty years. But nothing I write could be as eloquent as what our distributor has penned about Cole's latest release: "He twist forgotten youthful dreams with afterthoughts of Scarlet Johnson. Enwitng leaving lovers and thr grateful thoughts left behind." Thank you.

ROGER DALTREY - GOLD. Not to be outdone by Who-mate Pete Townshend's recent "Gold" compilation, Rog gets in on the act with this career-spanning best-of. 34 tracks spanning his entire solo career to date, newly remastered and nicely annotated!

DEAD CAN DANCE - WAKE: THE BEST OF. I saw them live in the early '90s, and they were pretty boring, but their records are very pretty -- like Enya with a goth edge. This 2 CD compilation covers the band's entire 17 year career.

ROB'S PICK OF THE WEEK!

WAYNE HANCOCK - TULSA. I'm letting Rob, the Hancock fan in the office, take this one: "Produced by Lloyd Maines, a great pedal steel player and Dixie Chick Natalie's dad, this is like night and day from the Dixie Chicks, because he's a real country guy. This is one of the finest Wayne Hancock albums -- his first studio album in five years, and it's classic honky-tonk and Western swing. If you want to discover 'Wayne The Train,' this is a good album to start with."

NEW BARBARIANS - BURIED ALIVE: LIVE IN MARYLAND. The first ever official release of Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood's late '70s side project, also featuring Keith Richards, fellow former Faces member Ian McLagan, Stones sax player Bobby Keys, Stanley Clarke, and Ziggy Modeliste of the Meters. Wow!

ROBERT POLLARD - NORMAL HAPPINESS. The former Guided By Voices frontman is still recording albums in less time than it takes most of us to floss. His two other 2006 releases have been stronger and more inspired than most of the later GBV albums, so this could be a goodie.

ROBERT RANDOLPH & THE FAMILY BAND - COLORBLIND. Randolph's third album is a continuation of his trademark mix of funk, soul, rock, gospel and blues. Feautres special guests Eric Clapton, Dave Matthews, and Leela James.

SISTER HAZEL - ABSOLUTELY. Wow, someone's still letting them make records?

SOUNDTRACK - AMERICAN HARDCORE: THE HISTORY OF AMERICAN PUNK ROCK 1980-86. Sal and I scoffed when we heard about this movie and accompanying soundtrack, but the next day we were blasting Bad Brains and early Hüsker Dü in the office. Dunno if we could take a steady diet of hardcore, but as a change of pace, this 26 track anthology fits the bill. Black Flag, MDC, Minor Threat, Scream (Dave Grohl's first band!), Bad Brains, Flipper, D.O.A. and many more. Reagan sucks, ARRRRRGGGHHHHH!

SPARKS - BIG BEAT. Their 1976 album featuring NYCD alum Sal Maida on bass, now remastered with 7 bonus tracks! What's not to love?

ROD STEWART - STILL THE SAME: GREAT ROCK CLASSICS OF OUR TIME. Anything is better than Rod singing standards, even if it means he's now covering hits by Bread, Bonnie Tyler and the Eagles. Although he also covers Badfinger, Bob Dylan and Creedence, so maybe it doesn't suck as much as I hope it does.

STING - SONGS FROM THE LABYRINTH. You can stop holding your breath now -- Sting's long-awaited Elizabethan lute album is here! Includes songs, instrumentals (featuring Edin Karamazov, the Frank Marino of the lute), and -- are you ready? -- recitations! Oh joy! Get those orders in early!

NIKKI SUDDEN - TRUTH DOESN'T MATTER. Since every artist immediately becomes more popular on his or her death, I thought I'd mention the last album by the late singer-songwriter-rocker and founding member of Swell Maps and the Jacobites, who died earlier this year. I never paid attention to him when he was alive, but his small cult is an unusually passionate one, so maybe we missed out on something.

YOU CAN ORDER ANY OR ALL OF THESE FINE RELEASES, PLUS ANY CDs OR DVDs WE DIDN'T MENTION IN THE NEWSLETTER, BY EMAIL (HEYNYCD@aol.com) OR PHONE (212) 244-3460!

WE NEED YOUR OLD CDs AND DVDs! TRADE THEM IN FOR NEW STUFF OR GET COLD HARD CASH! EMAIL OR CALL!

STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR THE RETURN OF SAL!

UNTIL NEXT WEEK, WE LEAVE YOU WITH THIS:

HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY to all those nice folks throughout the US of A who are making such a big stink about kicking all the illegal immigrants out of the country. Obviously they must all be Native Americans, or else they'd realize that their own forefathers came here from somewhere else and they're being big ol' hypocrites.

Your friend,
Ferdinand Magellan

OLDER BUT... OLDER: TONY CHECKS OUT THE ROLLING STONES

Once the average ticket price for a Rolling Stones ticket equaled the monthly rent on a studio apartment in the Bronx, I assumed I'd seen them for the last time. The Stones are the Stones, and once they're gone we surely won't see their likes again, and they're still great in concert, and yada yada yada, but frankly, Mick Jagger would have to feed me matzoh ball soup from a porcelain tureen and wipe my chin with a linen napkin afterwards to make a Stones concert worth the prices they're charging.

By an obscene stroke of luck, however, I wound up in the 13th row at Giants Stadium last Wednesday, gaping at the Stones as they defied age and time yet again and put on a professional, rocking two hour show. When they're on, they can still generate a head of steam as hot as any band in the world. Keith is still the coolest guy in the world. Mick still dances like an ass-shakin', hip-wigglin, crazed monkey and somehow never seems to be out of breath. Ron Wood, who went into rehab yet again to prepare for the tour, is somehow even skinnier than he usually is. And Charlie is still Charlie, which is to say one of the handful of greatest drummers in rock history. Sure, they did all the obligatory hits -- "Satisfaction," "Start Me Up," "Brown Sugar," etc., but they also pulled out a lot of chestnuts for the fans, like "Monkey Man," "Sway," "You Got The Silver," and "Just My Imagination."

I don't see how any band can justify $450 tickets, but I've gotta admit the Stones did their damndest to give the fans their money's worth. Fireworks before and after the show; a moving mini-stage that slid towards the back of the stadium for a few songs to give the fans in the "cheap" seats a better look; an enormous inflatable Stones lips-and-tongue logo; huge jets of fire bellowing up during "Sympathy For The Devil;" you name it. And the band didn't slacken for a minute during the show. Even at 112 or however old they are, they can still rock fiercely for two hours a night.

And yet... the years are beginning to take their toll. Mick is still one of the most charismatic performers around, but he avoids going for the high notes whenever possible. And Keith looks bad even for Keith -- he sang a gorgeous, moving "You Got The Silver," but then staggered through "Little T & A," and even got lost during "Satisfaction." For much of the rest of the show he was a non-entity, leaving Ron Wood as the musical compass for the evening.

If you haven't seen the Stones, and you care at all about rock n' roll, they're still a must-see. If you've already seen them and are either an obsessive fan or have just won the lottery, they're worth seeing again. But I'd do it sooner than later. Heaven only knows what kind of shape they're gonna be in come 2012, when they hit the boards for their seemingly inevitable 50th anniversary tour.